LAUGHTER IS THE VERY ESSENCE OF RELIGION
I. I have heard about the Polack Pope:
He was aboard a plane and the pilot said, "It is unfortunate that out of the four engines one has stopped working, but there is no need to worry. Three engines are more than enough to take us to our destination. The only thing is we will be three hours late."
After fifteen minutes he said, "Sorry to interrupt you again: the second engine has stopped, but no need to worry. Two engines are still more than enough and we will complete our journey, but now we will be six hours late."
And after half an hour he announced again, "Ladies and gentlemen, sorry to announce that the third engine has also failed, but still there is no need to panic. One engine is enough to take us to the destination, but now we will be nine hours late."
And after just five minutes he said, "If you want to say your prayers you can say them, because the last engine has stopped?" And there was great panic and chaos, but the Polack Pope was sitting silently. The lady sitting by his side ying and weeping and screaming He said "What is the matter? Why are you so worried? At the most we will be twelve hours late!"
He was aboard a plane and the pilot said, "It is unfortunate that out of the four engines one has stopped working, but there is no need to worry. Three engines are more than enough to take us to our destination. The only thing is we will be three hours late."
After fifteen minutes he said, "Sorry to interrupt you again: the second engine has stopped, but no need to worry. Two engines are still more than enough and we will complete our journey, but now we will be six hours late."
And after half an hour he announced again, "Ladies and gentlemen, sorry to announce that the third engine has also failed, but still there is no need to panic. One engine is enough to take us to the destination, but now we will be nine hours late."
And after just five minutes he said, "If you want to say your prayers you can say them, because the last engine has stopped?" And there was great panic and chaos, but the Polack Pope was sitting silently. The lady sitting by his side ying and weeping and screaming He said "What is the matter? Why are you so worried? At the most we will be twelve hours late!"
II. The Polack patient lying on the operating table whispers to the surgical-masked doctor, "You can take your mask off now, doctor, I have recognized you!"
III. It is a dark and stormy day at the Vatican. The bells are tolling ominously, as inside, on his deathbed, lies Pope the Polack, breathing his last.
At the bedside there is a crowd of bishops, cardinals, priests and other homosexuals, moaning and chanting. Cardinal Cats-ass is crying his eyes out, as he is bent over the pope's face.
"Ah! Don't be upset," gasps Pope the Polack. "Don't cry. The Vatican council will surely find a great man to take my place. As a matter of fact, I am sure he will do much better than me." "But," whimpers Catsass, "that is just what they promised us last time!"
At the bedside there is a crowd of bishops, cardinals, priests and other homosexuals, moaning and chanting. Cardinal Cats-ass is crying his eyes out, as he is bent over the pope's face.
"Ah! Don't be upset," gasps Pope the Polack. "Don't cry. The Vatican council will surely find a great man to take my place. As a matter of fact, I am sure he will do much better than me." "But," whimpers Catsass, "that is just what they promised us last time!"
IV. The distraught young man was perched on the fortieth-floor ledge of a midtown hotel and threatening to jump. The closest the police could get was the roof of an adjacent building a few feet below. However, all pleas to the man to return to safety were of no avail. A priest from the nearest parish was summoned, and he hastened to the scene."Think, my son," he intoned to the would-be suicide. "Think of your mother and father who love you."
"Aw, they don't love me," the man replied. "I'm jumping!" "No! Stop!" cried the priest. "Think of the woman who loves you!"
"Nobody loves me! I'm jumping!" came the response. "But think," the priest implored, "think of Jesus and Mary and Joseph who love you!"
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph?" the man queried, "who are they?"
At which point the cleric yelled back, "Jump, you Jew bastard, jump!"
"Aw, they don't love me," the man replied. "I'm jumping!" "No! Stop!" cried the priest. "Think of the woman who loves you!"
"Nobody loves me! I'm jumping!" came the response. "But think," the priest implored, "think of Jesus and Mary and Joseph who love you!"
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph?" the man queried, "who are they?"
At which point the cleric yelled back, "Jump, you Jew bastard, jump!"
V. A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing how they "divined" what part of the collection money each retained for personal needs and what part was turned in to their respective institutions.
VI. "I draw a line," said the minister, "on the floor. All the money I toss in the air -- what lands to the right of the line I keep, to the left of the line is the Lord's."
The priest nodded, saying, "My system is essentially the same, only I use a circle. What lands inside is mine, outside is his." The rabbi smiled and said, "I do the same thing. I toss all the money into the air and whatever God grabs is his!"
VI. "I draw a line," said the minister, "on the floor. All the money I toss in the air -- what lands to the right of the line I keep, to the left of the line is the Lord's."
The priest nodded, saying, "My system is essentially the same, only I use a circle. What lands inside is mine, outside is his." The rabbi smiled and said, "I do the same thing. I toss all the money into the air and whatever God grabs is his!"
behind the counter."How much for a cheese sandwich?" asks the little Jew.
"One dollar," replies Chicken.
"What about a ham sandwich?" asks Feenie. But before Chicken Chopper can reply there is a loud clap of thunder in the sky overhead.
Feenie Finkelstein falls to his knees, looks up at the sky and prays out loud, "Okay! Okay! -- I was only asking!"
OSHO
